hi

I haven't written here in quite a while! I'm thinking about doing a redesign of this blog and refreshing its intent, which has changed since I began it in 2007. At that time I was documenting my spiritual search. Now the whole idea of "spiritual search" makes no sense any longer. For a while, my intent here was to explain what this "no longer making sense" looked like, while getting comfortable with the loss of a previously saved version of my self-concept.

All of the above sounds too complicated to me because life feels so much simpler now. Yet none of what I experience fits into any particular religious or spiritual belief set. It's not a dramatic loss of self, or a continual feeling of oneness, or an alignment with any kind of belief system whatsoever. It's a just a very simple, ongoing practice of letting go of resistance to what is. It is a getting comfortable with what is and realizing there is nothing wrong with it. There is no problem.

This is tricky, though, and bears repeating. The bottom line is that through the habitual nature of our repetitive thought patterns and our repetitive emotional patterns, we are creating our own experience of physical manifestation. Physical manifestation is a lot like a dream, only more stable. And, being like a dream, it responds to our thoughts.

However, what we are experiencing as physical reality right now is the culmination of diligently practiced human individual and group thought forms. So you could say, in human terms, that what you are experiencing right now is the past. It is already over. Yet because we, as humans, take our cues from the manifestation--from looking at "what is out there"--we keep reinforcing the same old shit. We look outside of ourselves and see what we think is reality and we focus on it and judge it and react to it and with our magical, powerful attention, reinforce the solidity of the manifestation.

When you judge something you are resisting it. When you resist you reinforce. Whatever you are resisting becomes even more solid. Crazy, isn't it? But this is the way it works. Any kind of attention, be it adoration or hatred, reinforces the object of said attention. So the whole goal is to be at peace with what is. To just let it be. To just be.

As you "just be" and sink into the comfort of that non-doing, you cease to reinforce the habitual patterns and they become lighter and more transparent. And new patterns that flow naturally from your being--patterns that are more benevolent--begin to create your experience.

Herein lies the oft-mentioned paradox. Even though we may be looking down the gullet of a fire-breathing dragon, we need to relax and just be. We need to find a way to love what is. The fire-breathing dragon is a result of habitual thought patterns and the only way the manifestation will stop scorching you is if you take responsibility for dropping your habitual thoughts.

The important thing to understand is that for most people this cannot be done all at once. It's an incremental process, despite the fact that there are select individuals for whom it happens all at once. For most of us, it's a process of learning to steadily and slowly train our attention away from dwelling on the manifestation while simultaneously appreciating and reveling in the safety of the present moment. You will make mistakes, you will try and fail, and you will ultimately succeed.

It's a slow process of learning to look at and take responsibility for the thoughts you are entertaining, the story you are telling, the way you are feeling. And it's a slow process of beginning to allow yourself to feel good, to be who you are, and to allow the love that is your birthright to enter your moment-to-moment experience.

This also means that, as you incrementally allow yourself to feel better, you can safely cycle through whatever emotions may arise. It's better to allow yourself to experience anger or grief than to feel powerless, for example. We're not talking about some pollyanna idea of all of us turning into emotional daffodils. It's a matter of leaning into the essential goodness and benevolence that is deep within you. It is sturdy and powerful and can handle being real.

Comments

[Sarah]

Thanks for the reassurance. .. the process of changing my thoughts, reactions, allowing the stories to just be is a slow, moment by moment process, its an undoing of an entire age of being. The rewards and outcome is so much greater than living a life of pain! The moments of freedom are so peaceful (and powerful!!)

[marian]

Hi Sarah... you seem to be doing really well.

[John Quelch]

Wow, how very helpful and reassuring. We are still reading you loud and clear. Hope you are inspired to keep teaching.

John, Wuhu, China

[dea, Salida Colorado]

beautifully said :-)

[marian]

Dea-- hi!!! Thank you... as always.

[Mieke]

Hi back to you. I always read your blogs, eventually, and your profound words keep resonating with me. Whatever it is you want to do, just please never stop writing. Never just go away. You are beautiful.

[Aileen Cheatham]

Hi, Marian. I can relate to not searching and settling into the simple practice of noticing resistance. The inner teacher becomes front and center and everything else is experienced in the background. It's interesting how in 4 short years we can be in such a different place! I have enjoyed following your journey. XOXO

[marian]

Likewise, Aileen. I always gain something from your journey. It is like BK says: reality is always kinder than our imaginings. Much love to you, friend.