the purpose of cheering up

I've talked a bit (well probably more than a bit) about the trap of wanting to fix things... of wanting to change the present moment, to change what you are experiencing, to make it better, make it different. I've come at this in a variety of ways because it's such an important thing to understand.

Understanding it consistently takes a whole lot of mindfulness. But if you do sincerely want to have less suffering and more joy in your life, understanding how this works is worth the little bit of discipline it entails.

Chogyam Trungpa always used to say, "Please, cheer up." Really, that about says it all. He was big on hinting at, or evoking a state of mind, rather than spelling it out.

The truth is that you experience what you concentrate upon. Your habitual tone, your habitual emotional resonance right now is drawing from the resources of this magical manifestation-experience everything that is needed to bring that tone into three dimensions.

So let's bring this down to earth. Let's say you are working at a crappy job. You not only don't enjoy your work, you find your coworkers to be annoying in the extreme and your boss to be insufferable. Yet you are the breadwinner of your family, and you believe (realistically or not) that you can't "just quit" without having a new job lined up.

The reality of your job is very vivid. It's very solid—solidly annoying, solidly intolerable. It's there every day... the sights, the sounds, the smell of the stale coffee, the clashing perfumes, the sound of the person in the cubicle next door as she clicks at her keyboard, and so on. It's hitting you in the face every minute with its solidity. How can you deny that? How can you pretend that this shitty present moment is okay? It's clearly not okay! You would be betraying yourself if you didn't protest... right?

Wrong.

We experience what we focus upon. When you are protesting, what are you focusing upon? You are focusing upon how bad you feel. It's a matching game, folks.

We are mesmerized by the vivid solidity of the experience we are having. We are fascinated by it. It's so solid, so real. We focus upon it. And we do something else as we focus upon it. We judge it. We judge it as pleasant or painful, and all of the thousands of levels in between.

This activity—of focusing upon this vivid reality with its sights, sounds, smells, tastes and concepts, and then judging these experiences by comparing them to others that have happened in the past or others that might happen in the future—this activity or mental busy-ness—is what makes us feel valid. It makes us feel real. It gives us a sense of solidity. And the truth is that we are addicted to this activity. We just do it all day. We talk to ourselves all day, sorting, judging, weighing, liking, disliking.

This is what we do with our focus. But what we don't understand is that FOCUS is the most magical tool we have. It's the most powerful aspect of our minds. It's the creative aspect of our minds. It's the letter in the universal mailbox, the genie in the lamp, the granting of every wish.

So what is required is something very counter-intuitive—very paradoxical. If you want to change your situation you must begin to find ways to love it—to focus upon whatever aspects of the situation are tolerable. Maybe you like the donuts in the break room, or the hand soap in the bathroom, or the guy who delivers the mail.

Now you think to yourself, "But if I focus upon what I like in this situation, I'll be stuck here!" That's the logic of ego, and it's backwards. You get more of what you focus upon. Life manifests according to your use of focus and intent. We are afraid to find the good in a bad situation, but it's the only way out.

This is the meaning of letting go. This is the meaning of "love holds no grievances." This is the reason for these types of concepts. This is the meaning of forgiveness. Until the focus changes, and the intention changes, the manifestation cannot change.

So maybe you think, "But I can fix this situation!" Examine what you mean by that. In order to fix something, where do you put your focus? You put your focus on what is wrong. If you were putting your focus on what is good in a situation, you wouldn't feel the need to fix it, would you?

The manifestation follows the focus. Peel back the layers of your thought process and find what is at the bedrock. Is it acceptance? Is it appreciation? If so, your experience will begin to reflect those qualities by being fun. Fun. Now I'm not talking about forcing yourself to think in a certain way, or punishing yourself by being nice to your office mate, whom you can't stand. I'm talking about noticing in your day whatever tiny bits of joy, of fun, might exist and just feeling that—becoming familiar with that sensation.

I'm talking about noticing when you are caught in a litany of complaint and making a decision to drop it. Just put it down and be empty. Just feel that quiet, defenseless emptiness instead of the fullness of complaint. Stand there and just "don't know." Yes, this may feel odd, and it may feel like self-betrayal at first, but has what you have been doing worked? Why not try something different. That soft, empty, quiet feeling of not-knowing is the magical muscle of intent beginning to move.

Quietly allowing our atrophied muscles of focus to move in new ways, is what it's all about.

Comments

[John Quelch]

Beautiful! Thank-you

John

[Emersonandtolle.blogspot.com]

Wow Marian- I love this post! It has made my day...and broken the trance of negativity in this moment. Thanks also to Leslie Read for posting a link through Facebook to your blog. Your words ring with powerful, clear wisdom. Gratitude to you.

[marian]

Hi John, good to hear from you as always.

Thank you Emersonandtolle! And thanks Leslie for the link...

[Aileen]

Well said as usual, Marian. I love it!

[Leslie]

Hi Marian,
Wasn't sure if it was okay to post this link...your words would touch the heart of so many...they have bailed me out on many an occasion, far more often than I could say. I am ever grateful...I'm sure others would feel the same way.
Hope all is well...if you ever need a coastal house to stay at let me know...I can vacate on a moment's notice :)
XOXO
-Leslie

[marian]

Hi Leslie, thanks so much. You are very sweet. And I always welcome more readers, believe me! Hope you are doing well and thanks for the link.

[marian]

Hi, Aileen. I came across this today... thought it might interest you!  http://www.dreaminglucid.com/crucial.html

[Lu]

As ever, I come and I find something that has that real world example that makes solid what I'm beginning to live. Choosing what to think about...It's so freeing, and becoming more and more a happy habit. It's still easy to fall back to the old judgmental snarling one, but it happens less often, with more peace in knowing I'm choosing to feel badly. Big Love and appreciation for you Marion!

[marian]

Hey, Lu! So glad to hear you are doing well... thanks much.

[David]

Hi Marian ... I must read this blog once every six months, but every time I do I find myself thinking a little differently about something.

The line 'you experience what you concentrate upon' will stick with me, I know. Thanks,

David

[marian]

Hi David.... thank you!

[Colleen Loehr]

Love this post! Deeply resonant and relevant- thank you!

[Aileen]

Hi Marian, Thanks for the link. I haven't been lucid lately, but there is something different. Within my dreams, the observing mind is now present and commenting on my every reaction as it happens within the dream, just as if I were awake. It's pretty interesting.