reincarnation, innocence and the atonement

As A Course in Miracles says, the truth is that we have only one problem, the illusory state of separation, and in truth, this problem has already been solved. This is a problem that doesn't exist, despite the experience of the body, time and space. In truth, all dreams are empty of individual selves, including this one.

Imagine standing on a street corner watching a candy wrapper floating in the breeze. It's not really a candy wrapper, if you look deeper. That's just a concept. It's some paper with ink painted on it. But it's not paper, really, that's just a concept. It's some particles of vegetable matter pressed together with particles of ink and other chemicals. But those too are concepts. If you look deeper there aren't even molecules of wood or ink, there are just electromagnetic events in various combinations. And looking even closer, there are vast reaches of space with some energy patterns that appear and disappear and are affected by the mind-state of the viewer.

The idea of the individual self is like the concept of the candy wrapper—something we accept as self-evident until we look deeper.

Recently I discovered the existence, imprinted on my own little candy-wrapper, of a habitual thought. It's a thought that floats through the screen of my mind probably ten times a day, or maybe a thousand times. I don't know. It seems to be always there in some sense. This thought is a combination of pictures and words but the gist of it is that I'm standing in the after-life, newly dead (standing, hovering, floating, whatever) and hoping that I have "passed the test" so that I can move on to a level that doesn't entail being in a body. In this imagining, I believe I was sent here to learn something I had failed to learn in the past. I feel inadequate and afraid of punishment.

I am tired of this thought. I am tired of seeing it as real. So I have been staring it down, looking to see the ink and wood of it, the puppet strings, the man-behind-the-curtain of it. And I thought I would share the process with you.

I was advised that if I would see the self as non-existent, the notion of reincarnation would lose its charge. There is a caveat to this, which is that it is a truth that can only be seen now. Only right now.

Because the ego hates "right now," loves complexity and eschews the simple, elegant solution, I have also come at it from a few other directions. Dealing with habitual thoughts is a little like trying NOT to read a word that is flashed on a screen in your native language.

VICTIMHOOD

The ego wants us to believe that we are victims of external forces, because this allows us to project our feelings of guilt upon other people and situations. You are guilty, this or that is to blame, and therefore, I am unsullied and innocent. If I am unsullied and innocent and my guilt is no longer within me, I then "pass the test" and can be reunited with the God I feared would punish me for aforementioned guilt. It is this process of projecting the delusional guilt away from the center that creates the experience of separation.

PROGRESS

The idea that we need to make progress, to improve, to achieve something, to awaken, to experience enlightenment are all ways in which the ego convinces us to stay the hell out of NOW. Awakening is then something that will happen in the future, at which time we will "pass the test" and be done with this feeling of inadequacy. The truth is that awakening can only happen right now. Not in some other now. This here now. In that sense, it is a simple choice.

THE ATONEMENT

We insist that our imperfections are real. The Atonement insists that they are not. But it stipulates that there is only one way to see this, and that is by dropping our grievances against NOW. Forgiveness, in other words. When you stop projecting blame, you stop finding fault with this, here, now. When you cease to differ with what is, you stop making the dream real, and fear comes to an end.

SEEING THIS AS A BIG DEAL

One thing the ego loves to do is to conjure up some kind of fright scenario in which some problem or other becomes a big deal. It threatens us with loss if we don't solve the problem. Right now, right here and now, you can catch the ego trying to make a big deal out of the conflicts it, itself, is creating. It creates a delusional conflict and then threatens you with loss if you can't solve it.

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Right here and now, right in this moment, you can feel your own innocence. Have a heart. Accept the simple gift being offered you.

Comments

[Aileen]

Great post! I love the candy wrapper example which so clearly illustrated for me that we are so busy automatically interpreting and giving meaning to everything that we can't know who we are in reality. This is VERY helpful, thanks. When I catch myself believing concepts about myself or projecting, it helps me to simply note why I'm doing it; the ego is afraid of oneness. Lately I've been more aware of that dread and it's been extremely helpful.

[Leslie]

Hi Marian,
Another exquisite post...thank you. If there is the sincere desire to want to 'accept the simple gift being offered' will the way be seen? It seems I missed a chance at stopping (the fixing) but I am unclear about what happened. Generally, does that mean that the mind went out (again) for another way...not trusting with the whole of this life?
Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
With love,
-Leslie

[marian]

Aileen, thanks. I think the main problem is that the ego always wants more than what IS. It feels incomplete, the sensation of it is incomplete, (since it doesn't actually exist) and so this feeling of incompletion is always searching for something to complete itself. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure the ego is afraid of oneness. I think it craves oneness, but oneness is only now. The ego is always out of the now, because it is sustained by the searching for something else, by the addiction to concepts. You are probably saying the same thing. There is definitely a sense of dread involved with turning the mind away from cherished concepts. But like everything else that can be perceived, it's temporary.

Hi Leslie,
The only opportunity is right now. Not any other now. So you really can't miss it. You can only choose to not look at what is, right here, right now. What you did in the past doesn't matter, but it's crucial to stop projecting into the future any idea of ultimate awakening. It's really just now.

It helps to look at the addictive qualities of the struggle and see how much you are afraid to let it go.

This is a difficult time for a lot of people, and there's a lot of chaotic anxiety in the air. But if you just look at the ways in which you are terrorizing yourself and come back to right here, right now, where there is no problem, that might help. That's the choice. The terror all seems very real but as you come back into this moment you can see that it's just a bunch of thought-clusters that are surviving on your attention to them.

[Leslie]

Thanks you Marian. I have this idea that there has to be trust (which has at times felt compromised)to let go and be here, right now. But if I look closely, trust, joy, expanded mind and (sometimes)bliss are variously present when there is intense present moment awareness.
The primary job of the ego -- besides suffering -- seems to be forgetfulness.
Thank you, again, for the clear reminders.
Love,
-Leslie

[marian]

"The primary job of the ego -- besides suffering -- seems to be forgetfulness."

--brilliant! :)

[Leslie]

Welllll...it wasn't mine...hopefully none of it is!!
XOXO
-Leslie

[Simon]

Very good post, Marian. Worth reading just for the candy wrapper that's not a candy wrapper but only masquerading as a candy wrapper. You rock.

[Leslie]

Keep looking 'back' to this site but you've said it all in this piece as well as the couple prior.
Love,
-Leslie